Tag Archives: Review

LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED. A Review.

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This is a book review. It’s going to be a hard one for me because I desperately wanted to love this book and I didn’t. I liked it? I didn’t love it. This makes me sad because I’ve been a fairly consistent Bloggess reader for a long time now. I wanted to shout to the rooftops how this is the best thing that ever bested and I don’t do that. So this is my sad face.

bloggess

I’m not sure if my discontent stems from Lawson’s writing or a problem with how this book was (or was not) edited. The book starts really strong. Lawson has a fluid narrative through the first quarter or so of the memoir that takes you back to her formative years. She relays in hysterical detail the bizarre, quasi-dysfunctional circumstances that rounded out her childhood. It’s smooth and easy to read and flat-out funny. Except for the winks at the camera, that is. There are four thousand unnecessary footnotes that are probably supposed to be funny but I found more annoying than not. It’s hard to do a start and stop with a book like this. Look up, look down, repeat. My brain doesn’t want to be torn from its reverie when I’m really into it. Those footnotes did that.

The story itself also took a turn when she jumps to her teen years. It’s like the author just doesn’t want to talk about it as much so she glosses over it. It was jolting in a way; she was so open about her beginnings and there was so much flesh on those bones that when she holds back later on, it reads weird. I figured this was more a bump in the road than anything major because she goes straight into meeting her husband Victor afterward and that was well done. But once we get insight into how she and Victor became she and Victor, the book just sort of went . . . well. Spastic.

For starters, Lawson is very open about her mental illness (which I totally appreciate). Unfortunately, when she talks about it, it’s done in such an over-the-top way that I feel uncomfortable. Like, she makes me feel like a bad person for recoiling from how she makes terribly awkward social situations horrific in a matter of minutes. I understand she can’t help a facet of the panic, but when it’s written like this, it makes me stare at the page like it’s got leprosy. I think to myself, “Jesus Christ, I’d kill her if she did that.” As I’m a person who’s been down the mental illness road and who has friends that struggle with it, I like to think I’m pretty understanding in general. Being made to feel like a bad person because all I can think is, “Holy shit, I want to murder her right now” is disconcerting. I didn’t like that. It made me unhappy.

Also, once Victor is in the picture and she starts talking about her marriage, the smoothness of the early storytelling is pretty much gone. She had a nice chronology to start but at some point the book adopts an essay format. From a memoir to a Sedaris book. This is where I’m wondering if it’s Lawson’s fault or the editor’s because this style shift crossed me as awkward. You’d think they’d pick one and stick with it, but no. And because they didn’t, I was scratching my head like an ape.

The last complaint I have was how a lot of the book read as I’M SHOCKING FOR THE SAKE OF BEING SHOCKING. I have a foul fucking mouth (to prove my point) and I’m not shy about talking about pants parts, poop, or anything else. Lawson loves to say vagina. Like, she says it forty billion times. And while I’m cool with talking about vaginas, this woman borders on obsessive. It’s like she walks into rooms, screams it for the attention it’ll get her, and then snickers about how naughty she is. Over and over again. I don’t know that it’s done for the benefit or entertainment of her readers so much as a, “Tee hee! Look what I can get away with!” And that’s hard to digest. It’s cool you love your vag, Lady. But really, I don’t want to talk about your vag every page. Even if it’s shaped like a Harry Potter lightning bolt.

I guess my overall take is that a little bit of Lawson goes a long way. Short bursts of her for entertainment, yes please. Anything more than that and I’m not sure I’m on board. She’s obviously a gifted humor writer. She’s candid, she made me laugh out loud more than a few times. But I wish this book had been formatted better, for one, and I wish someone had tugged her leash back a bit for two. It felt like her editor was one of those parents at the playground with a kid on the harness. That harness should have been jerked back a few times before said kid went candy-crazy hyper on everyone. Had that happened? The book probably would have sat better with me. As it stands, I’m giving it a 3.5 out of 5 and being sour about it. I really, really wanted to love this and I don’t. And I’m disappointed for it.

Shotgun Gravy.

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So I said there’d be another book review this week and lo, LET THERE BE LIGHT. OR A REVIEW. Shotgun Gravy is the brainchild of Chuck Wendig, a dude who’s been entertaining me for quite awhile now. I know I’ve mentioned him a couple times on ye olde blog, and you may have seen me taking part in his flash fiction challenges here, here, and here. He’s got this blog (over here) and you should read it – especially if you ever have any interest in stringing words together for money. He gives out free advice that also happens to be good advice. It’s candid, insightful, funny, and quite indicative of Chuck’s style as an author.

Right, so, book. It’s hard to call Shotgun Gravy a young adult novella, but I guess it sort of is? I mean, the main characters are all teenagers in high school, and it does address bullying, a very teen-centric issue. My hesitation comes from this being a YA novella as if Quentin Tarantino produced it for 70′s Grindhouse theater. No, not for porno you perverts, but because there’s a style to the violence here, a certain “I could give a fuck less what you think” attitude on the part of the main character that feels less YA-like and more Hobo With A Shotgun, only it’s Atlanta Burns with a shotgun and she’s taking out the high school bully squad. I pictured this filmed on gritty reel with a tinny jazz soundtrack and a lot of olive-colored retro cars squealing by in the background.

So, who IS Atlanta Burns? Welp, this chick!

She Will Fuck You Up

Atlanta Burns had something very bad happen to her once, and her solution to that very bad thing was to use a shotgun to fix her problems. The violent incident in question is not revealed at the beginning of Shotgun Gravy, but it’s made clear that everyone knows about This Mystery Horrible, even at her new school. It’s a shadow that’s followed her and will never let her go. Because she’s the “get shit done” girl re: her own issues, she becomes a logical go-to girl for the local underdogs. They admire that she took things into her own hands and essentially hire her to dispatch the crappy bullies in their school.

There’s lots to like in this book. For starters, Shotgun Gravy’s got good action, a good story, and a hell of an interesting cast. For all that retribution for wrongs done is a theme in the book, so too is the notion that doing bad things (justified or not) has its consequences. Atlanta Burns reaps what she sows. I like that; I like that you can’t just become Batman and everything will be copacetic and peachy. My only “complaint” would be that the teenagers’ dialogue sometimes falls into the Juno trap, as in the kids are so glib it can feel a bit too stylized to be real, but when taken in context with the overall mood of the book, it still works. So if it’s a complaint, it’s a very small one, and one I can overlook.

It’s probably worth noting that there’s a lot of brutality in this story, so don’t go into it expecting roses and a unicorn shower – there’s some flinch-worthy scenes and very harsh language that might not appeal to all audiences. I personally loved it, but I’m an advocate of all things profane anyway. More sensitive readers might find that off-putting. Also, Atlanta Burns’ story will be told in the style of Stephen King’s The Green Mile, wherein four smaller novellas make an overall bigger arc. If we the readers like her first story well enough, Mr. Wendig’s promised to write her second and subsequently a third and a fourth. As this book rocked the socks, yo, I’d recommend everyone with an eReader pick this puppy up so we can see where Atlanta’s arc goes.

Happy reading!

Shaedes of Gray.

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I don’t normally do book reviews around these parts because . . . well, mostly because when I’m writing I’m not reading and lately I’ve been doing quite a bit of writing. I wait until between projects to pick stuff up otherwise my brain dissolves into a pile of mushy pudding. This week, though, you won’t get one review from me, you’ll get TWO. Which makes me special. Or you special for being able to read them. Whatever. I made a couple of exceptions with these books mostly because I “know” the authors. As in I’ve conversed with them over the internet medium — WE’RE WEB BFFS AND SHIT — so they deserve my props and recommendations.

Onward!

So this is the book I’m talking about today, available in bookstores and online for purchasing as of December 6th. It’s put out by Signet Eclipse and is considered Urban Fantasy Romance. Here is the snazzy cover:

Do Not Fuck With This Chick

A little background about the author, Amanda Bonilla. I met Amanda through my friend, Sarah Bromley, an agency-mate of mine repped by Miriam Kriss. Sarah is a fantastic person, very warm and friendly, and as such when she tells me someone in her immediate circle ROCKS THE BALLS, YO I pay attention. She had such things to say about Amanda. “Funny, talented, second coming of Writer Christ,” etc. etc. So I perked up, listened, and somehow got talking to Amanda through Sarah on Ye Olde Twitter. When I found out that Amanda was an Urban Fantasy gal — a genre I’ve dabbled in extensively — I immediately thought “YOU BE GROOVY, WENCHLING” and a mini-friendship was born.

Imagine my delight when I started nagging (yes, nagging, like “you want to punch me in the face repeatedly” scale of nagging) Amanda for an ARC of Shaedes of Gray and she actually sent one along. I figured she’d try to give me a web swirly and tell me these copies were reserved for people without severe personality disorders. But NAY! She mailed one out about two weeks ago. I cracked it open Saturday night . . . and was done reading by about three on Sunday. I plowed through it. Shaedes is an incredibly easy read. That doesn’t mean it’s written for six-year-olds, it just means it flows, one chapter into the next, so you’re page turning before you realize you’re page turning. Always a good thing! Another interesting thing about it is it is categorized as an Urban Fantasy Romance but it doesn’t really read like a romance. There’s a romance sup-plot in there, but it’s definitely that, a sub-plot. The main plot takes center stage with the romance angles playing second fiddle. Amanda flat out said this was not originally written with the Romance genre in mind, and I can definitely see it. I also appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve read my fair share of heaving bosoms and longing-look-books and loved them, but I wasn’t sure how far I really wanted to delve into Paranormal Romance territory. Some of it is very heavy handed, where the plot really focuses on two people falling in love. This book, with its cover and snazzy action blurb on the back looked much more like ASS KICKER IN DA HOUSE, so I think I would have been disappointed if the promise of uber violence had been thrust away in favor of lots of smexings. It wasn’t! There’s violence AND some smexings. WOO!

Shaedes is a story about Darian, an immortal woman who can slip between a corporeal form and a shadow form. With this particular talent for going shaede, she makes an excellent assassin and has been supplementing her income with the cash she makes from her kills for about a hundred years. She’s good at her job, a skilled fighter, with a lot of connections in the business. Her “boss” of the last five years, Tyler, hooks her up with well-paying gigs and pretty much orchestrates her hits for her, acting as liaison between assassin and client. He also happens to be really hot and really flirty with her, which Darian tries pretty hard to ignore. (Spoiler: she fails spectacularly at this.) Things are going along swimmingly until Tyler gives Darian a job unlike any other: to kill another shaede. She’s been under the impression for all of these years that she’s the last of her kind, but it’s pretty quickly revealed she’s very wrong.

From there, the story takes many, many twists and turns that I won’t go into for fear of giving too much away. You meet the shaede community, you talk to oracles, you discover a jinn, you learn that if a creature can be made of shadow and flesh, other creatures can be made of light and flesh. It’s a really interesting world with interesting characters. One thing I can fully admit to? The main character made me a little nervous for awhile. See, I get that some women are beautiful and thus alluring to most men. I get that Megan Fox exists (you bitch, it’s not fair). I had a sinking feeling reading Shaedes that sooner or later Darian was going to go the way of Anita Blake, that she’d get SO appealing you wanted to punch the fifty thousand characters pining after her to boink her. Fortunately, Amanda avoids making this into a hump-frenzy and you don’t want to strangle the dudes jockeying for position of Darian’s beloved. It’s appreciated. It’s really, really appreciated.

So, there’s the skinny on Shaedes of Gray. Amanda got a seriously good review from Romantic Times — 4 and a half stars and a Top Pick from them — and it’s deserved. If you’re in a position that you want to read a great UF with a romance twist, or hawk UF/Paranormal romance, or have a reader of such things in your immediate circle, you’d do a lot worse than to shove this beauty into their grubby little hands. Go forth and bookify. Forsooth!

Suck!

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Okay, let’s start here with a music video preview:

Readers, meet my latest OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS flick.  And you’ve probably never heard of it.  Suck is a vampire movie.  “But there’s tons of vampire movies out there” you say, and I would agree, but are there tons of vampire movies that you’d actually call good?  Probably not.  Maybe I’m a vampire snob; I’ve read a lot, seen a lot, and I’m sorta sick of the portrayal of vampires as emo Louis-From-Interview knock offs.  Twilight hits my gag reflex, and the last time a horror movie vamp actually scared me was 30 Days of Night from 2007.  I loved that movie because it spun the status quo into something different:  vampires were disgusting vermin, not pretty prancing playboys.  I like Suck for a similar reason in that they took the status quo and shook it up.  How you ask?  They made a rock/comedy/horror hybrid that works on so many levels.

The story is fairly simple:  there’s a struggling rock band on tour, and most of the band mates aren’t seeing eye to eye because the female bassist and male lead singer recently broke up.  Everyone’s broke, miserable, and stuck in a car together.  Long trips between gigs and constant in-fighting is not a path to greatness.  That is until Jennifer the bassist is turned into a vampire.  All of a sudden their audience appeal skyrockets, they’re pulling in fans left and right.  This shouldn’t be a bad thing, but the lead singer (Joey) is not used to playing second fiddle to anyone, and Jennifer is the new hot thing for their band.  As she isn’t really forthcoming about her new “condition” there are problems, some obvious (like what to do with the people she eats?  Oh right, make their roadie Hugo clean up after her), and some not so obvious, like Joey’s jealousy.  And did I mention she’s being followed by a vampire hunter who wants to use her to find her maker?   (Played by the wonderful Malcolm McDowell).

A bevy of situations arise from there, all based around the band, the music, the vampires, and the lingering sexual tension between Joey and Jennifer.  The movie is wrought with guest appearances (Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins and Moby just to name a few), and the soundtrack is unbelievable.  One of the biggest comedic highlights is the aforementioned Hugo, who’s a nerdier, bastardized version of Dracula’s Renfield.  The scriptwriter/director (incidentally the same guy that plays Joey) includes more than a few tips of the hat like that, and for vampy fans like me, it’s hugely appreciated.

I honestly didn’t expect to like this movie when it was put in front of me, but hearing a few friends absolutely rave about it (husband included), I gave it a try, and I’m so glad that I did.  The true litmus test of any vampire anything, though, is showing it to falconesse.  The girl did her /thesis/ on the vampire, and is better read on the genre than I am.  When she was smiling and laughing through the whole thing, I knew we had a winner.  So yes, go now. If you’re a horror fan, a music fan, a comedy fan, or just a movie buff in general?  Go find this movie.  Sit down with a tub of popcorn and a beer, and watch something totally refreshing and different.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

How I Met Your Mother. Okay. WHY?

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So I’d been told by nerds and non-nerds alike that the show How I Met Your Mother is the second coming of television Christ. Ted, the main character, has sat his children down in 2030 to relay how their parents met back in 2010. Each episode is done like a flashback of Ted’s exciting New York life. I recently watched five seasons of this crap, and I wanted to get my thoughts written down before my memories jumble together in my squash.

I have multiple issues with HIMYM, and 90 percent of them stem from incredibly shitty writing. HIMYM SHOULD – by the merits of some of its cast – knock it out of the park with the funnies. It doesn’t at least half the time, and most of it is the fault of the guys who write terrible plots and even worse jokes for their half awesome, half craptastic cast.

Let’s start with the main issue I have with the show. HIMYM is about Ted. Ted is a douchebag. He is the least likable character that’s supposed to be likable I’ve ever seen. He’s pretentious, regularly does things that will fuck his friends over, treats his girlfriends like shit, and does dumb overly romantic gestures when he’s into a girl . . . and promptly gets bored with her after he woos her (in some cases the chicks get bored with him – those episodes I cheer the chick). Because he’s “supposed to be a nice guy”, he always realizes at some point during a plot that he’s BEING pretentious, douchey, treating his friends or his girlfriend like shit, and goes about making amends for his shallow, stupid decisions. Except . . . as a viewer? I’ll forgive a character for doing that stuff occasionally. Being an asshole is like breathing air for Ted, though, so now I simply go into every episode expecting him to fist everyone in the bum. I’m actually MORE surprised when Ted does the decent thing right off the bat than I am that he’s making yet another dick move.

If your show is about a character, you should proooobably not make him a douchenozzle and give him more than two likable traits. (Here’s the kicker about that character – Ted is apparently based on one of the writers of the show. Sooo. I guess I would spend my active association with said writer wanting to kick him in the dingding for being such a tool. NOT COOL, GUYS. NOT COOL.)

Anyway, problem number two I have with the show: Alyson Hannigan can’t act. Happy Alyson Hannigan looks an awful lot like unhappy Alyson Hannigan who looks almost the same as angry Alyson Hannigan. And every line is delivered exactly the same way. IF YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT WANTING TO HAVE A BABY WITH YOUR HUSBAND, YOU SHOULD NOT BE DELIVERING THE LINE THE SAME WAY AS THE “ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP I STUCK A FLUTE IN MY PUSSY” LINE FROM AMERICAN PIE. Sorry. Had to shout that so I make it clear. This girl plays the same character over and over, delivers lines the same way over and over, and is supposedly an actress. My basset hound has more emotional depth in her barks than this woman has. When I first encountered Willow on Buffy? I thought she was cute and likable. And when Alyson Hannigan played an equally endearing version of Willow in American pie? I thought “hey, they’re type casting her”. Now I’ve watched HIMYM and . . . I realize it’s not typecasting, this woman is stuck on the repeating rinse cycle from hell. I want to shake her to see if she makes those same doe-eyed confused expressions she makes on the show whenever anyone does anything ever.

Problem number three: if the show isn’t riotously funny (which it can be sometimes, don’t get me wrong, but those are episodes about one of two characters – Barney or Marshall) it’s stupid. Period. Ted spends one episode doing a rain dance on a roof because he wants Robin’s camping trip ruined. He loves her and doesn’t want her camping with another guy, and this is his solution. Yeah, a supposedly smart architect does a rain dance. And the worst part? It works.

Oh hey, nice segue into problem number four: Robin! It’s not so much the actress, but more the plots centered around her and her characterization. The boys still love her after five seasons, they’re slap fighting over her. She’s still emotionally distant and generally not worth the time and they’re (Ted & Barney) too dim to take note. I’m still confused why they want her anymore beyond “she’s hot”; the character is written as an ice queen. I think the writers mistook independent, professional woman with “obnoxiously self centered twat”. What’s sad about Robin is at the beginning of the series she’s actually likable and sympathetic, but her shtick is getting old. She’s not progressing as a character at all, and the subplot of “Ted will never get over Robin” has zero dimensions left to explore.

So that’s a whole lot of negative there. I should probably put a couple positive spins on things too, as I didn’t hate the show, was just terribly disappointed with it because it could have been awesome. For starters? Neil Patrick Harris as the womanizing Barney is awesome. Like amazingly awesome. He didn’t start out that way, but he gets there quick. The first few episodes NPH seems to still be hashing Barney out in his head, and the delivery of his lines comes across as forced and awkward, but somewhere around halfway through season one NPH gets comfortable. And then he gets funny. REALLY funny. Love him, love plots to do with him, will consistently laugh when there’s a story or scene involving Barney in any way.

I also love Jason Segel’s portrayal of Marshall, Ted’s faithful best friend and corporate sell-out lawyer from Minnesota. He’s the right combination of goofy and smart, and it’s a pity he was pegged against the one dimensional Alyson Hannigan, because the Lily/Marshall dynamic would probably be so much more interesting with someone who can actually act filling the part of Lily. I can’t think of much to say about Jason Segel beyond “he’s really good”, but that doesn’t surprise me. I’ve liked everything Segel’s been in, from Knocked Up to Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

So there’s my thoughts on the show. I’m sure some HIMYM fan out there will find me, light my house on fire, and tell me I have no taste for finding most of the show trite and dumb. To them I say “Hey, I’m glad you like it! But I’m gonna be over here watching a better sitcom. You might have heard of it. It’s called Community”.