It’s that time again, ladies and germs, to look at the ways people find ye olde blog. I’m tempted to create an all new category for Search Term Bingo because it seems to be a pretty popular topic. Folks tend to blab at me about it afterward anyway, and that’s always a good sign. Sometimes I wonder if these lists say more about me and the content of my writing than it does about them, but then there’s night elf milking, and I’m pretty sure that’s all on them. Yeah, I’m not taking credit for that shit.
So, without further ado!
1800′s new orleans brothels
There could have been a few articles that would generate this hit. One would be the LaLaurie Mansion stuff, the other would be the picture of the bodacious corset tatas. I probably disappointed the reader on every level possible. I’m fairly sure a house where people were maimed, mauled, and murdered would be THE WORST WHOREHOUSE EVER, though there was that dude that actually paid some guy to come in and eat him, so. Takes all types I guess.
fake little people cabbage dolls
Okay, admission time. I make fun of midgets. Not to their face because I’m not a total jerk, but . . . the jokes. They happen. I even use the word midget instead of the politically correct Little People when I do it. Sometimes I shame spiral over it later because I like to pretend I’m a nice person, and this is pretty damned mean. Logically, I know it’s douchey of me to do. I don’t like it when someone calls me Queen Tundra of the Fat Ass Clan, for example, so me poking fun of others for whatever reason is hypocritical and bad. There’s a couple of problems here, though:
- The word MIDGET is fun to say. Seriously, say it like five times in a row and you’ll find yourself smiling even if you hate yourself for doing it.
- Someone is not looking for a midget. They want a cabbage patch doll of a midget. AND THAT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS.
Ahem. I’m sorry, Peter Dinklage. I love you, you are really one of my heroes. I’ll try to be good now. PLEASE STOP HATING ME.
night elf beast sex
Yeah, you were warned about the other one, but not this one. SURPRISE. For those out there who don’t/haven’t played World of Warcraft, you’re probably blissfully ignorant of the prominent pervert population. There’s a subset of players that will take their video game experience and make it into something more than the game mechanics would allow. They’d probably see this picture and think /differently/ than you or I would.
Most WoW folks would call people looking for this type of unusual artwork “fucking furries” but that’s actually not all that accurate. This searcher is more a person into beast. And beast and furries are not necessarily the same thing. It’s not my job to give you an education on either topic, though, so let’s just leave it at THIS WEBSITE IS NOT A RESOURCE FOR ELF/CAT HUMPY STUFF.
smart looking gorillas
I wanted to put this:
But I don’t like to insult gorillas.
the frog hits me in the eye and wakes me
I’m thinking this has to be related to something that I’m not catching. Like, this was a thing in a book or a nursery rhyme or Alice Cooper’s nightmares. Whatever the case, coming from a position of ignorance, if someone jammed a fucking frog in my eye to wake me up, they’d find their butthole ribbiting a few minutes later.
plague of boils for kids
Welp, someone had a bad babysitting experience.
sad drunk guy
I’m not sure why this is such a stand-out thing. If you want to see a sad drunk guy, find your closest dive bar and go people-watch post midnight. The guys lingering at the bar, looking a little sadly at the bartender because they were cut off three Miller Lights ago? THOSE are sad drunk guys. The dudes that go to football games with no shirt on, who paint their faces their favorite team’s colors and then promptly watch their team get stomped into the field? THOSE are sad drunk guys. Those guys might be the saddest, actually, because when they cry, their face paint runs and they look like clowns who just took a money shot.
insert your pseudo inspirational bullshit here
I think I will, thank you!
where the fuck are my cookies
This is immediately what came to mind:
Followed up by the image of a stoner dude frenzying for his Cookie Crisp.
night elf milking
Have you ever heard of Rule 34? It’s this thing among net folks that means, “If it exists, there is porn of it.” So a friend might say something fairly innocuous like TOASTER, and you can say RULE 34. Because someone, somewhere, has put their dick in a toaster thinking it’s a good idea. They also photographed it or recorded it on their phone to share their toastery love with the rest of the internet. Thanks to Rule 34, I know I can go looking for night elf milking and find it. I know there’s art out there of the night elf from the picture above with some kind of milking device attached to her jubblies. You can go looking for it if you want to. And if you find it? Good for you. JUST KEEP IT TO YOUR FUCKING SELF.
dick size box joke
(Note: Now you rockers know what I’m listening to while I finish this post. This is the tale, the tale of Jack Sparrow!)
super deep tit freak
This one made me giggle. A lot. I can’t help but picture some pre-vert running up to an unsuspecting woman, grabbing her boobs, and promptly reciting Emily Dickinson poetry. Or maybe some Nietzche. It’s like he’s a slobbering moron until he gets his titty-rific Power Up. WITHOUT THE POWER OF THE BOOBS, THERE CAN BE NO SUBSTANCE. THERE IS NO SOUL WITHOUT THE NIPPLES.
testicle torture device
Ummm. Okay? I don’t even . . . DUDE. WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR BALLS? WHAT DID THEY EVER DO TO YOU?
enter my mouth
A dark room. Candles. Silk sheets and FINE wine. The right music playing, maybe some Barry White or Anita Baker. The mood’s perfect, the person with you is exactly what you need tonight. There’s kissing and fumbling and groping. It’s hot and tingly and all manner of good. And then your partner says ENTER MY MOUTH and all boners everywhere just go limper than overcooked spaghetti. That’s it, game’s over. The Sex is OFF the table because that’s the least sexy sentence in the history of mankind. Well, behind, “So did I mention my ass herpes?”